SPECIAL GUEST STARS: DUDLEY MOORE as "RODDY" and PETER COOK as
"NICKY"
EXTRA-SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE: LENORE as "THE GROUPIE"
Written, directed, and produced by David Meadows
(Stock footage of London in the 60s: plenty of hippies and flower people. Also plenty of people with bowler hats and brollies, because the Americans think it's funny. Remember to show Big Ben so they know it's London.)
(Camera pans and zooms through the window of a small rehearsal room. JON, IAN, NICK, and THE VILLAIN IN BLACK (TVIB) are here, fiddling with their instruments. (No, I'm NOT going say JON's fiddling with his organ, that's a really cheap laugh and I'm better than that.))
(There is a knock at the door. Pause. Another knock. Pause.)
ROD (through door): 'Old on, I've got a key 'ere.
(Jangling of keys.)
ROD (through door): Not that one...
(Long pause. More jangling. The door opens and ROD enters, followed by the GROUPIE.)
ROD: 'Ello chaps.
JON: You must be our new singer.
ROD: 'Ow did ya know that?
TVIB: You didn't know when to come in, and when you finally did you had the wrong key.
IAN: Boom Tshhh!
ROD: Blimey! What kind of music does this group play, anyway?
JON: Classical
(simultaneous)
TVIB: Rock
(JON and TVIB glare at each other.)
NICK (quickly): Er... pull up a chair, mate, we'll have a jam and see how you fit in.
ROD (takes a piece of paper out of his pocket): 'Ere's a song I've been working on, see what ya think.
ROD SINGING:
Hey Joe, where you going with that bun in your hand?
Well I'm having tea with my lady
Thought we'd have it with butter and jam...
(Long silence)
ROD: Yeah, well, I gotta work on it a bit.
JON: No, man, that sounded so cool. Hey, we could play some kind of classical intro to it...
(JON improvises a bit of Falla's "The Three-Cornered Hat". IAN and NICK join in. The music trails off as they realise TVIB isn't playing.)
TVIB: It will be a cold day in hell when this band plays classical music.
(An icy wind blows through the room. Everybody shivers.)
JON: Rich, I really think it will give us a unique sound...
(TVIB takes out a very large, sharp, knife.)
JON: Wh-what are you going to do with that?
TVIB: I have a theory that if I scallop some necks I will get the sound I want.
(Cut to outside. Passers-by stare up in shock and horror at the rehearsal room windows as an unearthly howling and wailing drifts down.
TVIB (voice-over): Yeessss, that's just what I want to hear. Muahahahahahaha
To be continued...